What do you think is the biggest reason men avoid a committed relationship like marriage? No, it is not the thought of sharing the rest of their lives with one woman that concerns them. Rather the reasons are quite different than you can ever imagine. They are afraid of being second in your life and being bashed with your friends. According to Carin Goldstein, the creator of BetheSmartWife.com and a licensed marriage therapist, the fear for being a husband are essentially rooted in self-consciousness and rejection.
Go through the text below to understand the different reasons why men are afraid to get into marriage.
1. Hate Commitment
Commitment seems to bore some men. They consider being committed to a woman as some sort of a chore or a boring routine. Men suffer from many such insecurities and fears and some even have a commitment phobia. Although, not all men have this type of fears, some need help and overcome it gradually with counseling and experience.
2. Being Second in your Life
A general overview of married life involves kids, job, home and many other family responsibilities. Men mostly fear that after marriage, all these will become your top priority and they will be considered the second best. Being on the back burner is one of the biggest fears of men who keep on avoiding marriage according to psychotherapist Julie Orlov. You can help him shed such fears by promising him a one-to-one special session of at least half an hour every day after marriage so that his importance in your life is never compromised.
3. Don’t Want you to Turn into His or Your Mother
Of course, every man loves the motherly affection and would always appreciate you for your abilities to handle kids or cook like his mother. But he would never want you to turn into another woman like his mother and especially not like your mother. It is simply because although he does not say so quite openly, these women do get on his nerves sometimes and he surely does not want to repeat the experience.
4. Afraid of Taking Responsibilities
Most men fear the responsibilities that come with marriage. It takes time for them to realize that the responsibilities are inevitable and as they grow, they are going to be a part of their lives, with or without marriage. All the relationships, including the live-in or an affair demand you to behave responsibly. So, ultimately at some point in their lives, men get over with this fear and move on with the woman of their choice.
5. Gossiping About Him with Your Friends
Men fear that their wives may use their girlfriends as sounding board, whenever their marriage is not working out well or going through a rough patch. Men do understand that their spouse would look for a lean shoulder when they are really fighting badly, but they are afraid of the husband bashing-session where you will badmouth about your dearest hubby. Men really fear that they will get the ‘bad guy’ title if their spouse takes up the issue with her girlfriends. Married women should instead talk in with their husbands when things calm down and make sure that the nitty-gritty sessions between them are never shared with anyone.
6. Threat to Freedom
For many people, marriage means the end of freedom. Although this perception is ridiculous, some men do think that marriage will restrict their lives and their freedom to act according to their will. Moreover, they also perceive marriage as a threat to the bromance they enjoy with their friends.
7. Sex will Become Less
According to Dr. Sherman, the best way to stop a woman from wanting sex is marrying her. The security, bonding and deep connection that a marriage offers can make a woman lazy, which is why men usually assume that after marriage your interest in sex will become less. Although, to some extent it is true, if you are deeply in love with each other, you would always look forward to making love, as it is one of the most expressive ways of telling your partner about your feelings. So, keep the flame of love ignited, share work and household chores, and keep on pitching each other with hugs and kisses and you will find the sex becoming more frequent than it was during your dating days.
8. No Time for Self
It is quite natural to expect some time for self, despite being in a committed relationship. Many men think that they will not get a second chance to watch the baseball match with their buddies or spend some lazy evenings with close friends as the marriage continues. Men should know that the women too love to have some time off for them and gossip about girly things with their friends. So, all such moments will always be there for both after marriage.
9. Marriage Will Change You
With marriage comes a sense of security and hence you will not be as anxious and desperate to talk to him as before because you know he belongs to you for sure. Even then, a woman must not stop seeking his attention or trying to dress up for him for a special night. One thing men fear about marriage is the change it will bring in you. Marriage does add more responsibility on your shoulders. But it does not mean that you should stop being what you are. After all, he married you for that special quality in you.
10. He Does Not Want to Change
Who wants to change? Many men think that after marriage their wives will try to change them into a person with qualities they idealize. And this they do not want at all! When you are dating, you always put your best foot forward. However, when you start spending more time with each other you realize the flaws and shortcomings. Men think that their spouses might make them change their habits and turn them into a completely different person.
These fears and perceptions are peculiar, but are not always baseless. They change according to the bonding between the partners. Hence, if you are in a relationship and want to make it legal, iron out all such fears of your fiancée so that he can enter into the marriage without any worries and fears.