Before I start this article I would like to let my readers know that depression and stress related to marriage can affect both men and women and there is nothing to feel low about yourself because getting a dissatisfactory feeling despite of spending some quality time with your in-laws and life partner is absolutely normal and no kind of criminal offense. Post marriage depression is a state of mind that becomes clogged due to many unresolved reasons giving rise to depression causing temporary or permanent troubled marital status.
What is Post Marriage Depression?
Depression is the silent killer of marital relationships. It is a very deadly factor that can be seen in both men and women but are most likely to affect women more as compared to men. Post marriage depression is a condition that can be seen in mostly women within few months of marriage and in many cases it affects the relationship after 1-2 years of marriage. The common symptoms are feeling dissatisfaction, depression, unhappiness, stress, anxiety, disorientation and enraged. Post marriage depression can be the root cause of several severe marital issues, domestic violence and divorce cases.
There are several reasons why post marriage depression is very common in women and mostly Indian women. PMD in women is common as compared to men because when a woman especially Indian, gets married she is bound to live with her in-laws however men live with their own families and are not obligated to leave their family. Hence women undergo several new and uncomfortable rules and laws that change their world upside down making it really tough to adjust for them in a new and unfamiliar environment. Newly wedded women are asked to perform several marriage related rituals in which they are strictly judged by their in-laws and their relatives. They get attacked by several comments and uncomforting criticisms that creates strong imprint in their mind impacting their state of mind.
For example, a girl before getting married was used to be the life of her home, she was the centre of attention in her house and was valued in every discussions and issues in her home. Her opinion was always valued and considered in the matters of her house, her choices were always kept at high priority, her gloomy face used to be the high concern of her parents, her freedom and rights were always valued by her parents but when she gets married, she loses her surname, she leaves her home and family, she is asked to give more importance to her in-laws family than her own family, she loses her value, she is no more centre of attention, her choices and opinions are no more considered valuable, her gloomy face now becomes barely noticeable, her freedom and rights get imprisoned, she not only becomes someone’s official wife but also the official cook and maid of that family. She does everything but still her efforts are not enough to make anyone happy and make herself a valued part of that new family. Hence, she experiences an identity crisis starting questions over her existence, importance and value in that family. She becomes a robot just doing all chores of that house, keeping her husband satisfied and obeying rules without any objection and question. This exact condition affects 2 women out of 10 and leading to serious PMD and failed marital relationships. Some women get so intensely trapped in that depression cage that it becomes quite tough for them to get over it. They become emotionally weak, instable and disoriented and finally commit suicide.
Ways to Deal with Post Marriage Depression
1. Crystal clear communication with your spouse
Communication is the most crucial element that saves relationship from all kind of troubles especially when you communicate clearly with your spouse about your issues, thoughts, views and opinions. When you let your spouse know about your feelings and issues you might get help from your spouse to adjust better and easily in your in-laws home.
2. Spend equal time with all in-laws
If you are into a joint family, then you must pay equal attention to everyone so that you would not be judged on the basis of your social clause. Learn to spend equal time with all in-laws and know them better about their choices, hobbies, habits and favourites to keep them happy and friendly with you.
3. Make out some ‘me’ time
Getting involved in household chores for married women is an inevitable thing but no matter how bus you are you must make out some time for you to improve, enhance, groom and pamper yourself. Meditate, call your friends, indulge in some of your hobbies, read books whatever because, if you keep yourself happy and active, people around you would be happy too.
4. Start writing journal
Keeping journal can be super helpful and relieving for anyone. It treasures all daily moments of your life good and bad, making you feel relaxed and stress free so that you could sleep better. Writing journals helps you to improve your cognitive power and also helps to find better solutions. And you never know, your journal might be the bestselling book of year someday.
5. Lower your expectations
As we all know, expectations hurt and disappoint us. The more you lower your expectations, the more you become happy and relaxed. Expectations might lead to depression because when you expect something for yourself from your in-laws and realize later that you are not that important for them, that moment could be real disheartening.
6. Be sensible while dealing with your anger
Anger management becomes very essential when you are in multiple relationships. You have to cope up and adjust with several people and your single rage or temper can lead to serious issues that might end you up where you would have never imagined yourself. Hence, being sensible and staying calm is wise while managing your anger or enrage.
7. Stay in touch with your friends
It works like a soothing medication on your mind and heart. Your friends are the only creatures who can make you smile and happy no matter how tough the situation is. Staying in touch with your friends can help you ward off your stress and solitude. You share your feelings with them and become stress free.
8. Stay in touch with your parents
Parents are the blessings of God and are your mentors who can lead you in the right and noble direction. No matter how much your life becomes tough, never hide your issues from your parents because they are the only ones who will never betray you at the time of your need. They not only give solutions to your problems but also alleviate your pain and sorrows.
9. Ask your in-laws for help in house chores
If you are depressed and think yourself as a mere working machine then do a favour to yourself. Stop jumping on all chores being enraged rather ask for help to your in-laws so that you could share your load and could create friendly relations with your in-laws to improve your equation with them.
10. Be yourself
Life is a roller coaster where you can get excited about the crest and also disappointed and scared of the base. But no matter how rough your ride becomes, you have to stick to yourself. Do not forget who you are. Be sensible, responsible to tackle all situations because you are the only person who knows you better. Stay positive, create positive vibes, eliminate negative factors and tenets from your life and surrounding to live peacefully and happily.
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